I have written posts in my head, even wrote a few down, yet something is holding me back from continuing blogging. There is a new fear that wasn’t there before that I am writing for no one. The concern that now that I am out of Kenya I don’t have as much interesting material. This is in addition to for some reason it feeling like a chore. I don’t want to open my computer and write. Here is to breaking that pattern and not letting my worry get in the way of something that I have grown to so enjoy over the past six months.
Last week I was in New York City for a work trip and to see friends. I have been back several times since Shaun and I moved from NYC, but this time it felt different, although I am not sure why. From the moment I stepped off the train into Grand Central I had that excited feeling in my stomach. I remember feeling this way coming into NYC before I moved there. The energy, the buzz, and the people going about their lives who forgot what that excitement feels like.
I felt especially nostalgic this trip as well. Staring at the skyscraper where Shaun and I first met, smiling as the cab sped by the restaurant where we had our first Valentine’s Day, and strolling by the lunch place I ate at everyday the summer I interned in NYC during graduate school. For such a big city it is amazing how my memories are scattered across it.
The first night I stayed in the city I stayed at my friend’s apartment and had the morning free to wander. My goal that morning was to find the perfect NYC bagel in her neighborhood. I researched online and found a place called “Best Bagel.” I walked there in the morning and stood in line not even minding it. I eavesdropped on the eclectic couple in front of me and felt like a tourist because I did not order as quickly and blend in with the rest of the crowd. I rushed back to the apartment to savor my NYC bagel and coffee in peace. It was absolutely everything I hoped it would be and I text Shaun about just how perfect it was, maybe rubbing it in his face a little bit. We say what we miss most about NYC is ordering bagels delivered on the weekends. (I guess that shows what our priorities are).
It rejuvenated me to have a mini adventure and see the city with new eyes. Forgetting the fact that when I lived there the crowds, attitude of the people, and pace made me miserable. This time it all seemed kind of charming, like visiting another country.
I am glad NYC and I reunited. My friend who is living there now and has been for the past five years told me she thinks she is developing a bad relationship with the city. She knows it is time to break-up and is worried that the longer she lives there the more she is going to leave hating it. I guess I am proof that even after a break-up it is still possible to hold a soft spot in your heart for NYC.