Am I in a Cult and Why Can’t I Stop Buying Accessories for it?

I have been on a two-week break from yoga training and I seriously miss it. During the weekends we have training I feel like a completely healthy and amazing person, but as soon as a few days pass since the training I just feel like regular old TB Phoebe.

 In an effort to keep the good feelings going from yoga teacher training I spent a Saturday afternoon doing our assigned reading. As I read Iyengar share yogis feelings on the afterlife I realized how much more open I was to considering this and realized I would probably consider seriously most things I read in this book or learned in training. If I was told that standing outside naked for five minutes a day could transform my spiritual well-being I think I would consider it. It was at this moment where I seriously questioned whether I had joined a cult.

 I do not mean this at all in a negative way about yoga teachings (obviously because I am obsessed), but it is more about my receptiveness to changing my behaviors and believing the things I am learning. After reviewing the definition of a cult I think I am safe, but I am still wondering whether there is a need to remain critical about things you are learning or whether it is okay to accept with enthusiasm and jump right in.

What it is it about me that makes me find something I like and immediately want to immerse myself into it whole-heartedly? Is it just that I am always hoping to grow and change? Another slight problem with my new lifestyle approach is the amount of money I have spent buying things that I think are important to this transformation.

Here is a short list of things I have bought:

  • Natural deodorant until I decided to make my own
  • Natural dishwasher tabs
  • Natural dish soap
  • Natural hand soap
  • Epsom Salts
  • Argan oil
  • Mason Jars
  • A lot of yoga clothes
  • Then when I found out I had golfer’s elbow that involved buying: an arm band, ice pack that could stay on my arm, heating pad, and wrist stabilizer (listening to advice from websites, yoga teachers, friends, and a massage therapist).

This is not even counting groceries (stocking up on chia seeds, products to make green juices, etc.). I think of all the things I would like to buy to fully immerse myself in this lifestyle and I am actually pretty impressed with my restraint (or maybe I just haven’t totaled how much I have already bought). I follow wellness people on instragram like this wellness coach and people like this woman who uses this spiralizer my mom bought me for healthy recipes. I am constantly wondering when I will feel like I am really a part of the wellness/yogi bubble or if I will always be striving for that next step. Does it require me to start posting pictures on instagram of me heading to yoga or of inspirational quotes? Wont that annoy my friends and my mom (who follows me on instagram and would think my pictures are getting weird or boring)?

I am currently drinking hot water with lemon and cayenne pepper despite the fact that I have gagged several times because one wellness expert said it would help with my cold. Yesterday I took a shot of apple cider vinegar with honey at the advice of that same expert. 

Perhaps it is time for me to recognize how far I have already come and enjoy that for a minute rather than trying to reach this next level of pure yogi crunchiness. I have yoga this weekend and we shall see what new habits or products I decide I need to adopt. Should I just decide to accept that there are worse addictions to have? 


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